Victim Blaming

 TW: sexual assault, rape

What were you wearing? How much did you have to drink? What were you doing out so late? Did you scream? Were you asking for it? 

 STOP! Stop asking these questions. They are all examples of victim blaming and thus suggest that the victim played a role in making the assault occur and should be held partly responsible. This is not the case, no one asks to be sexually assaulted. It’s the abuser’s fault and no one else’s. Moreover, by not holding the abuser fully accountable, we are silencing the victims and unconsciously continuing the cycle of abuse. This happens because by holding the victim accountable, we marginalise them and make it more challenging for them to speak up about what they faced and talking to others about it. By staying quiet, the abuser is not penalised and thus likely to repeat their actions again multiple times, to various other victims, making this cycle go on. 

Is victim blaming even ‘real’? 

YES! Unfortunately, victim blaming is a common phenomenon around the world. But, it is especially significant  in cultures where it is socially acceptable and advised to treat certain groups of people as lesser and discriminate against them.  For example, in Somalia, victims of sexual abuse consistently endure social ostracization and harassment. One such example is the heartwrenching case of Fatima. Fatima was a fourteen year old girl living in Somalia. In 2015, she was raped by a tuk-tuk driver. After she reported the sexual assault, she was arrested, detained for a month and raped repeatedly by a police officer. Sexual violence is widespread there and if anyone is punished, it is often the victim. In the socially consevative region of Somalia, victim blaming is the norm and till this date there have been no consequences for the rapists. The harsh reality is that this happens in every corner of the Earth. Whether it be a developed and flourishing country or a struggling and poverty struck nation. Victims face this on a daily basis and it is high time that the toxic cycle is put to an end. 

Where else does victim blaming occur? 

Victim blaming can apply to cases of rape and sexual assault. But, it can be seen in various simpler situations as well. For example, it also extends to mundane crimes such as pickpocketing. The victim whose money gets stolen is often blamed for his loss by remarks such as, “Why was his money in his back pocket?” Any time someone defaults to questioning what a victim could have done differently to have prevented the crime, the questioner is participating in victim blaming to some extent. In fact in its more understated forms, people do not always realise they are participating in it. It happens in instances which are as simple as hearing about a crime and thinking how you would have been more careful if you were in the shoes of the victim.

Why does victim blaming happen? 

Victim blaming is never justified. However, psychologists such as Brbara Gilin, a professor of social work at Widener University, have rendered the main cause of people participating in it to be to try to feel safe. It is a toxic mechanism that stems from the desire to protect ourselves. By accusing the victim, people are able to differentiate themselves from the victim and thus start to think that the traumatic incidents the victim faced will never happen to them. Victim blaming makes us distance ourselves. We, humans do not like to think it is possible for those instances to happen to us, like they did to the victims. 

How can we stop engaging in victim blaming? 

The first and foremost aspect is awareness. Most of us like to imagine an idealistic world which is perfectly fair. Hence, it is important to remind ourselves of what reality is. Which is, bad things can, and do happen to good people. Remember that no one wants to be or asks to be a victim. Mostly, people who get victimised are simply trying to experience life like all of us by having fun and meeting new people. Just by enjoying themselves, the blame does not fall on their shoulders for enduring abuse. 

Other steps we can take to help the victims are; hearing their side of the story without giving remarks, reassuring them by telling them it was not their fault, confronting a victim blamer when you encounter one and never letting a perpetrator defend his actions. 

 

Blaming the victims must stop. Remember. Remember that the victims are survivors, not participants in the trauma that created them. The abusers ‘reasons’ are mere excuses. Their actions were theirs alone, no one else made them do it. They are to blame. They must solely face the punishment.